Duncan,“Respect and friendship. lsn't that a reasonable basis for a man and a woman to be married? And all else may grow in time?”
Cora,“Some say that’s the way of it”
- Last of the Mohicans.1992
Are they? Do they equal marriage?
Friendship of course is a wonderful bundle of so many virtues. Will it account for, along with Respect, everything else that shall make a true marriage? Even if so, isn’t it a sleight of word(s) - putting one in place of another - but leaving you with no better definition, checklist, Bill of material, for one to go about and make a marriage into an ideal one?
The etymology of the word friend shows the word originating from ‘freogan’ or ‘freon’ with its germanic/gothic root, ‘frijonds’ - and here is the beauty of it - of always going and looking up the origin of any word - to get its truest meaning. the root word connotes two things - loved, and free !! :)
While you can create an exhaustive list of its (the marriage's) attributes - like the one below (except from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-art-of-friendship-in-_b_10780908) - they all still, in one way or the other, are cognates of these two words.
⁃ fondness, affection, and caring so that we feel valued
⁃ loyalty, allegiance, and commitment
⁃ support, cooperation, and teamwork that helps us achieve goals
⁃ connection that staves off loneliness
⁃ companionship to share activities
⁃ a high level of honesty
⁃ a high level of trust
⁃ a high level of respect
⁃ enjoyment of each other's company
⁃ fun with our playmate
⁃ peace of mind that comes from being securely attached
⁃ empathy, so that we feel acknowledged and understood
⁃ pleasure
⁃ reciprocity, such that there is a balance between giving and receiving
⁃ acceptance, where we know each other deeply, seeing flaws and loving each other "as is"
⁃ having similar life goals and purpose
⁃ validating strengths already present
⁃ bringing out the best in each other
[ Phew..!! You get it, right? Long lists, prescripts - perfect to kill IT !!! :( ]
So, back to marriage; the respect and friendship get expanded to - respected, loved, and free.
The only other word I would want to add, and this in my lexicon is a big-daddy word (Maha.Vakyam), is - Care(d).
So, shall we say - respect, love, freedom and care - just about read to be the essence for a lifelong marriage ??
a ruminative postscript:
"...writers write far more penetratingly than they live.."
- Martin Amis
Experience.
7th sept 21.
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